Monday, July 20, 2009
Hey! I am back from NTS Camp; it was awesome. The theme this year was living outside "the Box." I guess the "Box" is different for everyone. My box is a combination of things. I think I view myself as a shy, insecure, not-so-smart person and because I believe that about myself it, in a way, has become somewhat true. Also factoring in what others view me as or have said about me. Sometimes I wonder why people think I'm "cool" or "funny"or "pretty". Probably because the people who know the real me, I tend to erase the 12-year-old image of myself..the person I was in 6th grade has shaped me and I've put a distorted image on myself than who I really am. Sixth grade was full of embarrassing moments and misunderstandings. When 7th grade came around I became homeschooled and pulled away from public school with that image fixated in my head as a geek and it never really changed because I didn't have a next year to redeem myself or grow with the people who thought I was dorky. So, really it's me who's holding myself back, hiding, not connecting with others as easily, not living to my fullest potential. And I've learned shyness is a form of selfishness in order to be viewed perfect, and we all know no one is perfect. I truly want to start living outside my box and not be driven by my own fears, but by God. And thanks for reading, I just needed to get my thoughts down.
The old life is gone, a new life begins. (2 Corinthians 5:17)