So after having a conversation last night with my girlfriends (yes, this is Crystal writing, NOT Michael! lol), I realized how much single parenting has been a part of my life up until now. And though I would not compare my lifestyle over the past 16 years of my life with a single mom raising her children on her own, I can definitely feel her pain. I started off raising Lauryn on my own up until she was 3.5 years old when Michael and I got married (and have you ever dealt with a 2 year old on your own with no end in sight??). But even after the wedding, Michael was on a four days on/three days off schedule at a children's group home in Portsmouth - the same schedule he had when we were dating. This essentially meant we had a weekend relationship. It was tough, but after finding a job elsewhere with more normal hours, things started to settle down a bit. And then Boston entered the scene - the big, fabulous city of Beantown full of multiculturalism (Chinatown a couple blocks away, the North End on the other side and the Irish - oh, those Irish! And don't forget the Mexican shop in the building where Mike brushed up on his Spanish.) with a college-town air and Patriot-pride (yes, Red Sox and Celtic pride as well). Michael really enjoyed working in Boston, however that meant a very long commute with very little time at home. It got even worse once he decided to enter law school, working a full-time day job and attending full-time school at night.
Three years and two baby boys later, Michael found himself finally working closer to home, in fact only a couple blocks from our house, and enjoying the proximity to his family. I can't begin to tell you how much
we enjoyed it! It was the first time the boys were actually able to spend some quality time with him and get to
really know him. After graduation from law school, he was once again looking for a job and was forced to make the return to Boston. After some temporary assignments down there, Michael finally "set up shop" in Hampton recently as an attorney with his good friend and associate, John. And he is loving it!
Thirteen years into our marriage with a house, a dog and four kids, this is the first time we feel Mike's presence on a more permanent basis. Landon is the first baby able to enjoy and get to know his father daily, and the older boys are very attached to him and enjoy playing cards, games, sports, etc. (which is certainly not a hobby of their mother's) with him immensely. They look forward every night to Mike's arrival, and Mike is experiencing what our world looks like at 5:30 instead of 7:30 pm (a very different world indeed and sometimes possibly to Michael's chagrin!). It's an amazing feeling to have a husband who comes home now on a nightly basis and helps with supper or plays with the kids, gives the kids a bath or puts them to bed; someone who can pick something up from the store in time for supper or have time to repair something around the house before bedtime (thereby leaving our weekends a little bit freer); the ability to go out for a date night weekly or even a girls' night out for me; someone to share in the responsibilities of parenthood, home ownership and life in general.
Those who know me and see or talk to me frequently would say it hasn't seemed too hard on me, and I would agree that one gets used to what one is given - essentially, you do what you have to do. But I would be wrong if I said I never had moments of sorrow or heartache when I saw other families able to eat dinner together on a nightly basis or able to take walks through the neighborhood together or when my own children wondered where their father was or asked incessantly when Daddy would be home ("On Saturday, Honey."). I'd fear those times when I or the children would be sick or got hurt and it was just me to take care of everybody or dread those hellish days when nobody was happy or cooperative and it's just me in charge. It has been tough, but you tend to not realize it until certain moments - moments when you just lose it and want to jump a plane to Bora Bora. And when things finally do get better and you find yourself on the other end of the long tunnel, you wonder how you ever got along alone without help. I have to say I've been blessed in regards to the community around me who have helped to remind me that I have never been and never will be alone. They have been with me through lonely days, crazy busy days, chaotic hellish days and even labor, delivery and postpartum days. They have cleaned and organized my house, taken care of my children and cooked us meals. They have offered Michael and I support, security and encouragement time and time again. Thank God for family and friends!
I certainly don't want to give the wrong impression that my husband was never there for us or unable to provide us with the essentials - love, food and shelter. It's really quite unbelievable what he's been able to accomplish the last few years while being a full-time employee, student and husband and father. I couldn't be any prouder of him, and he continues to prove to me what an amazing individual he is. I think that's what made us miss him so. I'm just saying my heart goes out to all those who are single parents or married to military personnel - I really don't know what you do in order to survive, but I do know how: you do what you have to do. And you just hope that's enough.
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